Sooooo, to conclude my birthday celebration, there was one more important gift that I had to receive.. Remember in my earlier post here where I spoke of the importance of a regular pap smear, well it was time... I had to wait over a month for my appointment, but the time had come..
This year, I have been having the strangest of thoughts ..
.....I have spent the last few hours in the bathroom, it can't be food poisoning... ate the scraps from the kids' plates yesterday and everything was fresh.. Perhaps it could be nerves and anxiety. It's day three of the kids being home and I haven't even gotten a chance to recharge my brain cells long enough to give the experience a grade..
I am curled up under my white strawberry stained down comforter that Logan decided bring his plate of strawberries on while I waited on him to finish eat..... ummmm... during which the sleep monster paid me an unexpected visit... "dropsee" ..... Logan decided to slap the crap out of me, and when I flew up out of the sleep with a scream, it made him laugh to the point that all the yucky, goowy, saliva soaked strawberries in his mouth were scattered all over the bed... Oh Lord... Oh Well.. It kinda looks like an Ikat design.. lol.. You gotta pick your battles.
So I have been looking for what I may want for my birthday, since my husband is not too skilled at picking the right gift.... he is however PHENOMENAL with words and cards... Personally, the best gift is from my kids... Something they have created, but since I am also the girl who loves to be surrounded by pretty things and I still haven't gotten those wood floors that I so desperately want but can't afford throughout the entire house, I will settle for accessories this year. I typically email him a list of a couple items from different companies and ask him to pick one or two items, so it will definitely be something I like but the surprise will be with what he choses..
Alexander Mc. Queen has items on SALE?!?!?!?! .....
Wowwww...... How can a piece so morbid be so cute?!?!?!?!
...which brings me to this....
Alexander McQueen is dead... This lad made skulls look so Funky and Fierce but he ended up taking his own life.. here I am looking at those pieces to wear but for some strange reason it may end up being more appropriate to be worn if I don't do something that is long over due...
....I have not been to the OBGYN ever since I gave birth two years ago... I have figured out that my fear is not finding out whether I may or may not have cervical cancer, but who the hell is going to care for my kids if I were to ever have to receive treatment for any ailment whatsoever...
I recently received a lecture from a friend who was so surprised to find out that I have never been to a spa for a massage and told me to tell my husband that if I don't get one before my birthday, he will have to answer to her... So for my birthday this year, I think the best gift that I could ask for are two gift certificates... One is for "Time" so I could finally receive a full body massage, since I heard thatit is life changing.... sigh.... and the other is for "Pap Smear"..... crickets......... Yup a bloody pap smear....could end up being the worst birthday gift or the best birthday gift but for sure the most important birthday gift....Fun Fun Fun (rolling my eyes).... I see symbolisms in everything and what is eerie about the above pieces from Alexander Mc. Queen is that they all are so "beautiful" with symbols of "death" on them just like so many of us "beautiful" women who may be wearing them everyday who may be plaqued with a silent "death" inside us..... I would rather wear the Boo!!! than have my family Boo-Hoo!!
It's June 1st.... We are halfway through 2011 and it's a fabulous time to reflect on what we have accomplished for the first 6 months of the year....
See how my tiny closet is coming along? 5 ft. 7 inches by 4 ft 10 inches.... You're probably wondering why this was considered an accomplishment, but it was such a huge deal for me... Being the only female in the house with absolutely nothing belonging to ME (since everyone has taken ownership... even my breasts), this is the only little space that I call my own, and in my earlier post HERE, it is a symbol of clarity, worthiness, mental allignment etc.... I was having a hard time finding a place for my shoes until I found this bookshelf from Ikea... Thank goodness... The white chests I purchased from Target and they hold my regular everyday items of clothing... I simply nailed a couple nails for some of my necklaces, found a little craft box for my rings, the pink stacked boxes hold my makeup and cosmetic brushes and the green holder has my bracelets (it once belonged to Logan).... I just elevated the racks so they could hold two rows of clothing one above the other ( Will show after it's completed)... Will see how that goes..
It's so nice to be back... That hiatus was soul changing... I am more and more baffled by the person I am and who I am becoming... My passions, my patience, my dreams, my frustrations and most importantly my priorities... It's actually pretty frightening when you begin to realize at what point in your life that you change and begin putting things into perspective and morphing into who you really want to be, and who you were put on this earth to be... Wayyyy back when I was on Facebook regularly, I remember posting something about being so lucky to be "here" because out of the millions of sperm, that ONE.. "Me"... won the race when I was always told by my mom that I was not planned... How lucky am I? I believe unplanned kids are equally special to planned kids because I think we are God's foresight.. What a miraculous foresight we are.. Many of you who know my story of my 2 sons with autism also know that our "Logi Bear" was one of God's Miraculous Foresights...
The month that I was on hiatus, I allowed myself to absorb everything that he has to offer, what he has and continues to bring to our lives, the surprises that every day brings with what he does or says... How he interacts with his older brothers who most often ignore him and doesn't really know how to deal with what seems "abnormal" to them... To my husband and I, we equally feel a sense of abnormality when MOST of what we have ever known as parents are pandemonium, chaos and quirkiness... This is all so new...
During my hiatus, I also had to convince myself that I was worthy enough of that joy... Oh What A JOY it is and I am bottling it all up.. Wanna buy some? hehehehe.
Here is something we haven't experienced since our soon to be 9 year old was 2 years old and subsequently lost when his signs of autism increased... Sitting appropriately at a table eating with a utensil... Here is our "Logi Bear" having his final snack before bedtime in our room..
Doesn't he look like one a little Bear? hehehe....He was offering me a piece of bread..
Hehehehe.. Silly Boy
Yup, I have a child who eats fruit...
Look at that Eye Contact..... No words...
God bless those little hands that they will always be used for good.....
.... The kids are officially home for the Summer vacation..actually, it started yesterday with Brandon returning home within one hour of arriving at school because of a temperature.. It takes so much energy on a morning to get the two boys prepared for school so I decided to keep Dylan home today.... An abrupt end to my half days of solitude, but I have been preparing for about a month.. Luckily, I had already purchased all their supplies from The Dollar Tree so what's left is to create a routine for them during the day... It's going to be tough....
My mom is here for a little while, just ran back upstairs from checking to see whether she is still breathing... She told me if she had what I have to deal with everyday, she would have ran away already.. Poor lady.. This is day one Ma.. hehehe.... Strap up your boots and and wear your girdle.. It's going to be Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...
My husband and I were able to sneak out on Friday evening, although it couldn't happen until after all the kids were asleep.. We left the house at 10:20 pm drove 40 mins to our destination.... and we were back home by 12:20 am.. (You could do the calculation of how long we stayed out).. WE were tired, but very grateful and satisfied with the time we captured.. Truly quality time.. We have become an old couple.. This year will be 10 years we're together but we feel like we will be celebrating of 50th wedding anniversary.. Our kids make our life so weary, but we love each other dearly.. God truly wrote our book differently than we expected but it's good.. the Canadian boy falls in love with the St. Lucian girl and lives happily ever after.....:-)
...What day is it? Gees!!!... I haven't created a post in a while.....
Donald Trump was crushed at the Correspondent's Dinner,
Royal Wedding,
Mariah's babies are finally here,
Bin Laden was found and killed....
SCREEECCCCCCHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
What in the name of all that is good is this?
I don't like making fun of people but my eyes couldn't blink because I was in shock.. Serena... honey... ok... So um.. I don't really think that your invitation for the Royal Wedding was lost in the mail sweetheart..
Here is my take:
"Ode to Black Swan who fell in bleach/ Royal Wedding I am the Bride and a Guest all in one...
Good grief... I could have been creating 2 posts a day with all the stuff that has been going on.... Something is definitely going on with me but for once it's good stress. Ever since I started this year with my thoughts directed in a positive direction, I have felt very anxious.. My brain is working overtime.. My possibilities are endless.. I can't sleep, (can still eat). To top it off, Summer vacation is right around the corner... Heart palpitations are an understatement.. Camp or no camp? ... Finding help is difficult in our situation.. but I kinda have a feeling it will be o.k. because I am going to take some time off to clear my head, focus, medidate and quiet my surroundings for a while, so that break will include blogging.. (sniff sniff) I need to tie up some loose ends here for a bit and then I will be back fresh faced and bushy tailed... Ok my darlings?... So see you all soon... please be safe... Too-da-loo!!
....I think of them as pressing the pause button while listening to song you love because of the beat, to research the lyrics, then pressing play, now reading the lyrics along with the song.... It is then that you truly discover whether the song has more substance than just the beat. The next time you listen to that song the emotion you once had may either change or perhaps remain the same...
Sometimes we think most intellects have gone through the traditional path to arrive where we think are their pinnacles of success... but as much as there has been a debate between the mind and the brain, I personally believe that the mind is like the family member who isn't invited to brain's Thanksgiving dinner in Beverly Hills but instead, is sent a bowl of the left overs to him in the slums of California, unbeknownced to the rest of the family. The family secret is the "mind" was able to purchase the house for the "brain" in Beverly Hills while sacrificing itself and remaining in the slums..
Ever so often we do not press the pause button to give our minds the opportunity to help us achieve the goals that we so desperately want to attain. We do not have confidence in ourselves because our "brain" isn't working at the same speed as everyone else or our "hiccups" seem beyond the unexplained..... AND the reason many people insult our intelligence.....(pause, one eye brow raised)... is because they have a perception of us only through what they view on the outside.. The question is are we on the path towards taking steps to simply shock the hell out of them but most importantly, are we working on our self confidence where we are willing to shock OURSELVES.....
Here are a couple successful celebrities who truly allowed their minds to take power over their brains.....
Do you know what they have in common?
It's GAME TIMEEEEE!!!!!!!
*Peter Jennings
*Bill Cosby
*John Travolta
* Chris Rock
*Frank Sinatra
*Vidal Sassoon
Once again it's GAME TIME on Brandylis and The Bear...
Question: What do the above geniuses in their own right and mind have in common?
Rules: Post your answer as a comment (not on my Facebook page)... and as before, I will disable the the comments to be viewed until after the contest. If there are multiple responces with the correct answer, I will put the names in a hat and allow Logi Bear to pick one.. hehehehe.. Yep.. the old fashioned way.. There is a catch... if there are less that 25 reponces, the contest will be voided. So you better get your friends and family on board to comment. If they don't know how to comment, teach them.. Deadline is tomorrow, April 4th, at 10:00.pm. Eastern time..
So what are you WINNING?
This beautiful makeup set by LORAC valued at $150 !!
The Newest Fragrance "Into The Wild" from Bath and Body Works
Men, you can also participate for a chance to win for the women in your life.(sister, girlfriend, wife, mother etc)
...and remember..... A Mind is terrible thing to waste.... Explore your talents and abilities before they are taken away..
What a week!!!... It's Thursday Night and my last post was on Monday... I am so disappointed with myself and I am so sorry but it was truly beyond my control.. My computer crashed and I had to purchase a new one.. I was so dejected since I have been having a good "Savings" record, but as my mom always says, God provides the money when it is needed. Secondly, our wireless Internet connection apparently developed a glitch after our last power outage and would continuously shut off in the middle of trying to create a post and doing my work.. so frustrating... However, I think I was more frustrated when the upsides of this week occurred and I couldn't share on the spot.. It was like getting a diarrhea alert while travelling on a bus .. lol..
Anyhow, if you haven't already started playing the video above, do click now as I want it to be the interlude for this post.
I attended my first ever Autism Support Group dinner this week and boy was it surreal. For 8 years plus I have been on this journey and have never once attended or participated in any support group meetings or intervention except one time after Dylan was diagnosed and soon after Brandon was newly diagnosed, I began cutting myself because that pain was so unbearable. The lady who was assigned to my case through the early steps program demanded that I speak to someone or else my kids could possible be taken away.. KIDS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME ? WHAT???? Look I have never ran to a shrink's office so quickly. Truth be told, I ended up having the therapist spill the beans about her life to me.. I remember entering the office and immediately after introducing myself, I told her "Look..I am going to save you time here and make this very easy for you.. I am a mom with two beautiful children who were diagnosed with autism within just a little over one year apart. I feel very alone.. I don't know what the hell this thing is.. Whether I am the cause of it or whether there is a cure for it. I just know that I am tired and I don't even think I want to be married anymore. They play in their poop and spread it everywhere.. My husband is never home and when he is, he is in another world of his own, I have no family here... no friends.. I have lost many friends... I can't go anywhere.. I am not sleeping because the kids don't sleep... I am in a pain that I have never ever experienced in my life and it's not a tangible pain... It's an internal pain in your heart and it circulates throughout my body but you can't take a pill to diminish the intensity, instead I feel that it's either push a spear into my heart for the pain to stop or I cut myself to feel... to truly FEEL something tangible and see the blood will put a label on this pain and give it its own voice... I think I have to go to my homeland for a while away from what feels like a house of horror and I will hopefully return renewed..."
The poor woman couldn't get a word in and this was just the introduction. By the end she was in tears, I was able to make her look at her life differently by putting things into perspective and I went along my jolly way...
Last year I met one the most amazing women name Patricia Sengul who also has three boys, two of whom are on the autism spectrum just like myself, so for that alone, we have plenty in common. She had encouraged me for several months to attend those monthly autism support groups but I was just not really prepared to go and rehash all those horrible memories that I had worked so hard to put behind me, so I never really made arrangements with my husband to perhaps clear his calendar in advance to watch the kids, but this year, as my journey began with this promise to put myself on my TO-DO list, it has allowed me to physically release that burden and pain into the universe... God has captured it, recycled it and I believe he has sent the recycled product back to me that I can use it as an instrument in other people's lives and also my life in a positive light... Since releasing it, I have now been able to re start my life's journey and incredibly and perhaps frighteningly, so much other stuff is surfacing... MANY good.. with the occasional hiccups.
So I attended my first ever Autism Support Dinner.. First of all, any excuse for me to wear heels and makeup, I am there.. I arrived at the restaurant and didn't quite know what to expect.. Would it be a small group? Do we have a private room where they lock us up so we could cry our eye balls out and say F*&K as loudly as we possible can without getting arrested? Would everyone be cordial? Am I overdressed? Am I going to be the craziest one of the group? Would they have to tell me to shut up? Well about 4 of us were seated in the middle of the restaurant (btw..we were are PF Chang's), I was in my element, (most of the time I am) and was very excited to see what the night had in store for us.. as the minutes went by more beautiful women continued to enter and be seated at our table.. I kept thinking OMG they all look like me!!! Confident, Charming, Beautiful women.... They didn't come in walking with slouchy postures, crazy hair, smeared makeup, dirty clothes... THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE ME...Now!!!! (there is a reason I used those terms in the aforementioned and will explain later in another post so stay tuned)
About 1 hour later, our group for the night was formed but hastey me wanted to know the protocol so I kinda tried to silence the pockets of conversation to get everyone's name and ask what we we were supposed to do. In a nutshell, someone said "Vent".. hehehe.. We all kinda gravitated to the women nearest to us and I listened to the different stories in amazement... They were my stories... Many of the women had met at previous meetings so I was one of the few newbies.. It was eerie, like walking into a new school during the middle of the school year but what touched me was that all those women were in different stages in their grief, anger, frustration, fear, acceptance, solace, joy, celebrations.. Some of them recently received the devastating news, and it was so incredible to hear the strength in their warrior mom voice. We were hungry to hear about each other's stories.. share what we are doing and have been doing... speak candidly in our own language which we alone understand and know that it will be embraced and we will not be made to feel diminutive...
I... WAS... HOME....
After my boys were diagnosed I have always felt like I live on another planet within planet earth.. I reside in this lovely community with lovely homes and well manicured lawns, but my house sits on a land owned by extra terrestrial and the minute you step foot into my house, I am on the planet " Coo Coo Nest".. Then when I articulated that, another mom said OMG..OMG.. That's me too.. she even started a blog "Embracing Holland" because she feels she is living in Holland while everyone else may be in neighboring countries.. It was truly a night to remember and I am still on a high from the brife experience.. I thank God on this Holy Week , that he allowed me the opportunity to meet such incredible women... It may just be what I have been searching for...
*I would also like to thank the M.A.S.D.A's group for organizing those monthly dinners.. It is such a beautiful change from a typical group therapy setting where everyone sits on metal folding chairs in a circle.
*I would like to thank Patricia Sengul for always being so persistent inviting me and not giving up..
*..and to all those lovely, beautiful moms I met on Monday night, I am honored and blessed to be a part of this group of strong mothers who love their children as much as I love mine.. It was such a pleasure to listen to your stories of strength and hope and I respect and love you all. I hope we can continue to encourage each other...
Thank Goodness.. I was not the craziest in the bunch...hehehehe.. love her!!
TRISH!!!!! Hahahaha
Miss Sheryn in the middle, I think she is a distant relative.. hehehehe
Oh... We all put autism bows in our hair made by one of the moms
Waiter!!!!.. Someone doesn't need another drink..hahahaha
Aren't we a beautiful bunch?.. God Bless us all..
Please click on those links Embracing Holland and Autism and Salvation and follow those amazing blogs or two mom's journies through the world of autism.. We all need the encouragement.. oh and please comment under the posts.. We love comments and feed back and for more information about our support group dinners visit M.A.S.D.A on Facebook. We're a crazy bunch but it's all in the name of love..
Wasn't it a marvelous day today? If you are not in Florida, I hope you had and equally beautiful day...It was 80 Plus degrees outside.. There was a beautiful breeze... Not one tantrum with any of the kids and Logi Bear dunked his first basketball..
So I asked my husband to do a photo shoot of me in my Spring (Dun Dun ) Dress... I told him that I would be twirling so he could capture some LOVELY ORGANIC PHOTOS... You know how celebrities have the lighting, fan, water, and music playing in the background... Well... I was on a 25 cent budget so I had to sing " The Hills are Alive" in my head to get me in the mood... Now those of you who know me know that The Sound of Music is one of my favortie movies of all time..... So....Mother Mercy... Here is how it came out..... Hope you have a laugh at my expense. Uhhh Uhhhmmm
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be freeeeeeee
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared
A captain with seven children ( I have 3)
What's so fearsome about that?
Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack
The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them
I'll show me
So, let them bring on all their problems
I'll do better than my best
I have confidence they'll put me to the test
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me
Somehow I will impress them
I will be firm but kind
And all those children (Heaven bless them!)
They will look up to me
And mind me with each step I am more certainEverything will turn out fine
I have confidence the world can all be mine
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in
MMMMMe!!!!!
Soooooo....... what do you think?...... Will Vogue give me a call?........ Uhhhh.... Maybe I could get coffee for Anna Wontour?.... Right?....... (Crickets.... Crickets... Flies.....)
Ohhhh... Kayyyyy... Hey I felt pretty... shucks... hehehehe
